I'm 5'9". She had "6ft minimum" on her profile. We've been together 8 months. Here's what actually changed.
That's me and my girlfriend. She had "6ft minimum please" on her Hinge. We've been together 8 months.
M28. 5'9" barefoot. I'm not going to tell you it's not your height. It is. That's also why I'm writing this, because it's fixable.
How it actually was
5'9" isn't short by any real measure. I know that. Doesn't matter. Knowing something and experiencing something are completely different things.
I had a girl tell me once: "you're cute, you're just short." Said it casually. Like a fact of nature, nothing personal. That one sat with me for a while.
Another match - we talked for three days. Actually good conversation. She asked my height. I said 5'9". She unmatched without replying. Three days of real back-and-forth. Just gone.
A buddy of mine. Objectively less good-looking, not in as good shape. But 6'2". His match rate was embarrassing compared to mine. Better photos, better bio, more effort. Didn't matter. That number determined everything before she ever read a word about me.
That's when I stopped taking it personally and started treating it like a filter problem. Which it is. And filters can be changed.
The part where I tried everything and none of it worked
I'm not someone who just gives up. I tried basically everything you've tried or thought about trying.
The gym. Three years of it. Good shape. Bench 225. Didn't move the needle on apps once. "I could bench 300 lbs and still never be taken seriously because of my stature." Read that on here somewhere. Was my exact life. You can't out-gym a height filter.
Listing a different height. Tried this too. The problem is you now have a second problem on top of the first. Every date becomes a countdown to the reveal. The anxiety of "she's going to notice" on every single date is worse than just not matching in the first place.
Cheap insoles off Amazon. Twice. First pair flattened within 3 weeks and my heel was visibly sticking out above the shoe. Literally visible from behind. Second pair was so hard it felt like standing on a brick. Feet were done after two hours. Both in the trash. Read a review once: "they are cheap, do not fully fit into your shoes, you have to cut them and most times you mess it up." That was my experience exactly.
Elevator shoes. Bought a pair of Conzuris. $180. Wore them on one date. She literally asked "are those Conzuris?" I said no. She knew. Wore them home, put them in the closet, never again. Anyone who knows what to look for knows exactly what they are. You're not hiding anything, you're just announcing it.
Accepting it. Deleted the apps. Came back three weeks later. Nothing had changed. "Society demands confidence while giving them little reason to feel any." That's the trap. You can't accept your way past a filter that runs whether you accept it or not.
Sound familiar?
The experiment that changed everything - and also made it worse
At some point I just wanted to know for sure. So I changed my height on Hinge to 6'0".
Within 48 hours my matches had basically tripled. Not a little more. Triple. Same photos, same bio, same everything. Just that one number.
It confirmed everything I already suspected. Height was literally the only thing. The only variable that mattered for getting through the initial filter. Everything else I'd been working on for years was irrelevant until she could actually see my profile.
But then I had to actually go on the dates. And I'm 5'9".
Two of them ghosted me after we met in person. One literally just stopped responding mid-conversation the same night. I don't know for sure that was the reason but I mean, I know. One was actually fine with it - we went on two more dates. But I couldn't stop waiting for it to come up every single time.
I'd gotten a taste of what it felt like. The matches, the responses, the dates. I knew exactly what was possible. And I knew the only thing standing between me and that version of my dating life was 3 inches.
I needed to actually be 6 foot. Not just list it.
Found these down a rabbit hole at 1am
I was going through looksmaxxing threads, some subreddit I don't even remember, and kept seeing HighPads 3.0 mentioned. Not like an ad, just guys talking. Someone asked what actually works for height and like 6 different people in the comments said the same thing. A few of them had been wearing them for over a year. One guy said he'd tried basically every other option first and these were the only ones he'd actually kept wearing.
I was skeptical. My immediate thought was these are just going to be the Amazon ones again.
But a few things were different from what I'd tried before. The main one: these aren't just a foam wedge shoved under your heel. They're actually shaped like the inside of a running shoe - there's a slope to them, proper arch support, and they stop before your toes so your foot sits normally instead of getting crammed forward. That's why every insole I'd tried before made my feet hurt. They were just lifting the heel and letting the rest of your foot deal with it. These distribute the weight properly.
The other thing: the foam doesn't compress down over time like the cheap ones do. Feels like the cushioning you get in a decent pair of trainers. The guys in the thread who'd been wearing them a year said the height was identical to when they started. That was the thing I couldn't get past with the Amazon ones - you'd gain an inch for two weeks and then it was gone.
Also the 3/4 length. It stops before the toes, so it actually fits in normal shoes. No going up a size. No toes getting squeezed at the front. The anti-slip base means it stays put in the shoe - no adjusting, no heel slipping out the back.
90-day return if you don't like them. 1-year warranty specifically on the height not compressing - and they replace them free if it does. No other insole company offers that. Because they know theirs won't survive it.
I ordered them.
I listed myself at 6ft. Then I actually showed up at 6ft.
Put the 3.0" option in my Nikes. With shoes I'm right at 6'0". Obviously I wanted to max out, every guy does. Kept my profile at 6ft.
Wore them around for a week before going on any dates. Normal stuff - work, gym, errands. By day 5 I'd stopped thinking about them entirely. Just forgot they were there. That was the thing I hadn't expected. I'd been aware of my height basically every time I left the house for years. That noise just went quiet.
Matched with my girlfriend. "6ft minimum please" right there on her profile. She's 5'7". She knew exactly what she wanted.
We met at a bar. She did not look disappointed. We talked for three hours. She texted me on the way home: "you're taller than I expected lol."
I still think about that text.
Third date, at her place, shoes off. She saw the insoles. Looked at them for a second, looked at me, started laughing. Asked if that's why I listed 6ft. I said yeah, basically.
She told me she never would've matched with me otherwise. Said it like it was funny, not like it was a problem. Because by that point she already knew me. The number got me in the door. Everything after that was just me.
Eight months later. My buddy who's 6'1" looked at me at a wedding two months ago and said "did you get taller?" I just said new shoes. He nodded and moved on.
The actual specs (I'm just copying what's on their site, too lazy to paraphrase)
Since like 10 people have already asked me in the comments:
- 3 heights in one box: 2.1", 2.5", 3.0" with shoes on. Start at 2.1" for a few days before going up. I went straight to 3.0" and felt slightly off for maybe 3 days. Start lower, trust me.
- Fits in: sneakers, boots, dress shoes - anything with a removable insole. Doesn't work in sandals or shoes where your heel shows. I use them in three different pairs, all fine.
- 3/4 length design: stops before the toes, so your feet don't get crammed forward. You don't need to go up a shoe size. This was the main thing that was different from the Amazon ones.
- The foam: feels like the cushioning inside a good pair of trainers. Doesn't flatten. Mine are 8 months old, exact same height as when I got them.
- Anti-slip base: sticks to the inside of the shoe. Heel doesn't pop out when you walk. You stop thinking about it after about a week.
- Guarantee: 90 days to return them if you hate them, 1 year warranty on the height not compressing. They replace for free if it does. No questions.
Edit: link for everyone asking - here. not sponsored, just been wearing them 8 months and get asked about them enough that this felt worth writing
Edit 2: to the "just be confident" guys - I was confident. Good job, decent shape, not bad looking. Confidence doesn't change your match rate when her filter is set to 6ft+. Actually being 6ft does